dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
