Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
