cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
