I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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