i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
