You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
