Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
MIDGETS
????
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
