He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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