**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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