pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
