Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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