I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
