i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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