the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
