i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
