I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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