I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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