My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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