how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
