The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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