everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
