So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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