He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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