this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, beer. Big fan.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
