I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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