the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
