That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
