those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
