I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
