How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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