New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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