tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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