no. you can't hotbox the world.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
