I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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