you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
