She's JV to your varsity
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
