Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
pray to the hookup gods
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
