if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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