well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
