Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
