Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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