On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
