census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
