Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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