what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
