Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
