I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
