Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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