Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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