You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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