Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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