after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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